A letter to my husband: when the newlywed phase has passed…

“You’re two good people, just maybe not good together.”

Remember hearing this from several people in our life, during the beginning of our relationship? Truth be told, we would have given the same advice to our friends if they were in our shoes. We’ve even said recently, we wonder how we made it, looking back at our early days. We were young with baggage, but I guess this is one [huge] time where our stubbornness paid off.

Today marks one year short of a decade together!

The newlywed phase has made like Elvis and left the building. We no longer go out to dinner with friends every weekend. The days of homemade twice baked mashed potatoes and Sister Schubert’s rolls every night for dinner are long gone. Plus we’ve learned the rolls aren’t as much in our favor in our 30’s. Sigh. Wisdom with age, right? Date nights are fewer and require more planning now. And you’ve gotten used to me spraying more dry shampoo than expensive perfumes on a more regular basis. Oh, and remember when we used to be able to watch not one, but two movies back to back on a Friday night? Now it’s high five worthy if we make it through one movie without one of us falling asleep on the couch.

Sometimes we get hung up wishing we could relive those moments. The newness, the spontaneity… the energy for goodness sakes. Life isn’t always rainbows and butterflies now. Some days we feel like two ships passing in the night. Making time for each other can feel like another “to do” on the list. Those Sister Schubert’s rolls at dinner have been replaced with eye rolls, when we hear “I’m hungry” ten minutes after cleaning up the kids full plate of dinner. It’s safe to say life is not super glamorous in this season.

But you know what?

I am starting to see how much I really do love this middle place of marriage. We’ve gained so much insight in nine years of marriage, but still have so much to learn. And to my inner nerd side, that is so exciting! I love the possibilities of what lies ahead for us. It is our life. Our own normal (which usually never feels “normal”, but what is that, anyways?) I really can’t imagine any other way. 

We traded in a beach vacation and overpriced steak dinner this year for half price sushi night… two days early at that. Then we sat for 10 minutes in the parking lot trying to decide if we were cool enough to go be spontaneous, only to realize we are old… we are tired… and we are wiser (knowing the aftermath that would cause the following morning). Oh how times have changed. But I love that I can be that with you. Just be. No pressure to impress.

We didn’t recite our own vows during our wedding, because the good Lord knows I already couldn’t make it through the standard ones without blubbering like a baby. But I do have some I want to share with you now, with a note of thanks, first.

Thank you

You’ve always given me freedom to just be me. Before you, I only knew how to feel loved through over protectiveness, possessiveness and jealousy. But you showed up in a more powerful way. I didn’t recognize it as powerful at the time, but now I do. You are secure in you and you let me be me. This is such a rare gift. And I am so thankful you stuck with me when I didn’t always understand that you truly were loving me in a healthy way.

I Vow…

I vow to be a better encourager.

I vow to be more fun and spontaneous.

I vow to work on being less stressed, so you have a happier home to walk into.

I vow to continue learning about you. What you like. What you don’t. What gets you down. What builds you up.

I vow to be more intentional about making time together, since it doesn’t come so easily in our season of life.

I vow to learn more about your needs versus focusing on my own.

Oh and the dry shampoo thing… I vow to spray perfume just as regular. Not as many sprays, of course, because God knows you’d be able to smell me 3 hours away from our old stomping grounds in Memphis… but you get the gist.

I vow to keep showing up for us.

Every. Single. Day.

“I love you’s” can sometimes lose their umph, especially as many times as we’ve said it over the years, but know that I love you more than I’ll ever know how to express.

I’m forever grateful those two young, good people decided to ignore the words of others. And I know in my heart, in the years to come, our relationship will be just like your Meme’s apple pie…. gooder and gooder.