“Freedom isn’t Free”
I have seen several images spanning across the internet with this saying, in reference to Memorial Day. I could not agree more that there is sacrifice to be made, and I thank those who put their lives on the line for our day to day freedoms.
This really had me reflecting on the word freedom and all the ways it can be perceived. Freedom of speech. Time freedom. Financial freedom. But probably one of the most important that I think we often miss is freedom of the mind.
As a Man Thinketh
Our mind affects so much of how we show up in life. All of us face hurts from our past, whether it be verbal hurts from an individual or group, physical hurts, or even witnessing a traumatic event. Even the smallest, seemingly insignificant events in our life can lead to self-sabotaging thoughts and/or behaviors down the road.
How do we deal?
Some choose to go through their life blaming others or past circumstances, living with a victim mentality. Others do the opposite. They push harder in life, in order to not let those who may have caused hurt “win”, per se. If we aren’t careful, I believe there can be something unhealthy with this approach, too. You see, neither of these really produce freedom in our hearts and minds.
The personal struggle…
Not too long ago, I found myself going through the motions thinking all was on the up and up… quickly dismissing any wrong mindsets I was facing. I was reading tons of personal growth books, sitting in church every week, showing up to bible studies, listening to motivational podcasts and audios… I was doing everything I thought I needed to do to be a better person. Yet, for months I was struggling. I would repeatedly think, and sometimes say out loud, “I’m doing x, y, and z, but I just can’t get myself into a good place.”
“What’s wrong with me?“
This was a question I asked so often, and felt so defeated not knowing the answer to. Because deep down, I knew I was capable of greatness and I knew God had a great purpose for my life and I felt like I was letting Him and everyone around me down. I had so much to be thankful for… it just seemed like something was off. I’m a first born with overachiever tendencies. I’ve always sought out to perform on a high level, but at this point, performance was my drug. It wasn’t alcohol, or narcotics I needed, but a sense of achievement to numb. And if I wasn’t constantly achieving, I’d hit bottom.
Cue the sports analogy!
I did go to my husband for advice here, because, well, my knowledge of sports is almost nonexistent. My hubby on the other hand, he knows all the things in the world of sports. I don’t even know how one has the brain capacity for all of this. His sports stats log is to my musical lyrics log. We are a good balance. Hopefully our kids will get the best of both. Anyways, back to the point.
So with sports, one thing I do know is when a physical injury occurs, it is vital to go through the healing process. Yes, even the professionals need healing. I’ve never heard of a player with a torn ACL who hopped back on the field a day, a week, or even a month later.
Where is the love?
We give so much grace to people who have to heal from a physical injury. A broken arm. Post surgery recovery. A torn rotator cuff. But do we really give that kind of grace to those who have to heal from emotional and mental hurts and pains? I definitely don’t believe we give ourselves grace to go through the process. Why is that? Because we can’t see it on an x-ray? Or because it is not so easily diagnosed as injury? These pains can, and usually do, have more of a lasting impact on our lives than physical injuries.
The lies we tell…
- My life isn’t that bad – there are people who have gone through worse. It’s true. There are people who have been through worse than we have, and it is healthy to keep perspective and have gratitude for our blessings. The problem with this thinking is we still never acknowledge it is okay to feel hurt. I’m not saying we should buy a lifetime pass to revisit these places (remember, not advocating for us to all have a victim mentality, here). But what happens is we try to dismiss our hurt, rather than handling it. Just sweep it under the rug. So we now have hurt AND guilt for feeling our hurt all piled into one. This is not an entree we want to digest, my friends. “Yeah, I’ll take a side of shame with that, please!” No. Just no.
- Time Heals All. We often tell ourselves the “event” is over. Forget and move on. That person hurt me but they were wrong for it. It’s okay, I’m over it… Their loss… That was years ago. While some of these might be true, I’ve found in my own life, many times my mouth would release those words “over it”, but my mind disagreed. And as time passed, it only got stuffed further and further down. To the point where it was confusing to identify the culprit anymore! Healing through only means of time was quite the contrary.
- I’ll just snap my fingers and get over it. We fill our schedules with so many commitments. We believe the lie that we can’t make the time for ourselves. I’m learning if we really want to be the absolute BEST version that our Creator made us to be, and in turn to show up well for others, we have to get healthy! And it doesn’t happen overnight. Oxygen mask goes on who first?
I just want to invite you… if you ever ask that question, as I did… what’s wrong with me? Stop the madness of beating yourself up and know that you have purpose. You were created for great things and to help another. You are worth taking the time to gain freedom from the self sabotage spin cycle. It isn’t serving you. Or anybody around you. What may look and feel like weakness, can actually unfold into the biggest strength you didn’t even know you encompassed, if you will take the journey to truly deal with your stuff! If we don’t have freedom from our own mindsets, we will always feel captive to something or someone else.
Tips from my personal experience:
- Seek help. Again, athletes don’t work on all the healing on their own. They seek professional help from one who has extensive knowledge on the physical body. Please don’t believe the lie that this makes you weak. Being vulnerable and asking for help just shows the desire you have to grow stronger.
- Show up for yourself. Rehab only works when the athlete shows up and does the work. In terms of mindsets, I have found a lot of revelations through journaling. Just stopping when one of those negative thoughts pop in, and asking myself questions. What is really fact in this situation and what is the meaning I am taking from it. Sometimes our meanings and opinions are so far from actual truth, and that is important to recognize. Not always pretty, but worth discovering.
Give yourself time. And grace. Just like we must do with our physical health. Nobody runs a marathon over night. Or loses 100 lbs in 30 days. Getting better takes time. Keep the end in mind. The middle place, or “hallway”, isn’t always the most fun place to be, but it is vital to step into to go from one door to the next! And you can truly slam the door for good on the things that have held you back and say “no more”.
I’m rooting for you, friend! Go break those chains and live out all that God intended for you, and I hope to hear your story someday..
End note: I realize knowing where to start can seem a bit overwhelming. I wanted to share personally who God planted in my path. Personally, I wanted to work with somebody who would align with my faith and I reached out to my friend Pam with Oaks Rising. What I loved was this was more than a journey of reading words of wisdom/comfort or getting advice (I was already doing that). I was able to get still in my quiet time with God and really ask to bring light into the root of several mindsets. It is no wonder their team calls this a “freedom session” because that is exactly what it felt like. Breaking free. Here is their Facebook page if you are looking for a place to start https://www.facebook.com/oaksrising/
