January 1, 2015: Start Bible in a Year plan on my phone. Read Genesis 1-3. Fall off the wagon before Leviticus.
January 1, 2016: Let’s try this again. I’m more hungry now. I’m ready to see what really happens in the Bible. Somewhere around March 2, my app is filled with empty circles.
January 2017: Same Story. Different Day. Or Year, rather.
January 2018: I’ll give you one guess.
All of this led to beating myself up for not being able to commit to just 2-3 chapters a day. To grow in my faith, at that.
Current Year. January 2019: New Planner. “Goals” section in front. One of which includes: Read Bible in a Year plan. Don’t even make it all the way through Genesis. Yep. The last check mark of completion is on January 24th 2019. Face palm.
New Year. New Outlook.
Despite my knowledge (or lack, really) of all the stories yet, I gain a better understanding of God’s grace and His longing for relationship with me. And for me to seek my time with Him as more than a check box on my iPhone screen.
I don’t know about you, but I absolutely love being able to cross off tasks, or in this case, check off boxes. Completion tastes oh so sweet to this girl! I have actually even added a couple of tasks to my planner at the end of the day. You know, just to be able to cross them off and indulge my accomplishment fix. Please tell me I’m not alone here.
It hit me one day… I had just read several Bible verses, chapters even, but I couldn’t recall anything I just read. My eyes were obeying the instructions to get through the words, but my mind was somewhere else. Pretty sure this isn’t how we successfully grow in relationship with our Creator.
Different, yet the same
Around this time, my small group started some amazing Bible studies that really helped me focus in on specific stories, people, and lessons in the Word. I was actually paying attention now. I started realizing that many of these figures I was reading about… although they lived in a time much different than I do… no dry shampoo, no Netflix, no social media or SUVs… they still had a lot of the same mind and heart struggles I deal with. They still sought out acceptance in the wrong places, despite their ability to gain “likes and comments” in an online forum. They still struggled to define their purpose or understand their true identity. It seemed we really weren’t all that different at the core. And I began to dig deeper into these stories and promises in my Bible.
Dropping the “to-do”
I quit making myself spend an exact number of minutes with God, because often I just felt rushed and distracted, mentally focusing on my next task. I was, however, intentional about starting the day off with time with Him, just without all the specific rules around it. Some days, I felt such a heavy need to draw near, I would read the Word during morning, nap time and right before bed. Other days it might have been 10 minutes before the rest of the household woke up and our busy day began. But I found I didn’t just have to spend time with Him in my carved out, perfect little box. When I started to quiet the noise around me, I found His presence in several day to day moments.
While I was running. Most of my best revelations and times I felt His presence most was while sweating in sneakers through the streets of my neighborhood.
While I was driving. I would play some encouraging music and be reminded of His promises (which were many times needed after two toddlers were having melt downs in the backseat). I didn’t even care about being stuck in traffic, surprisingly.
While I put on my makeup. Or fixed my hair. Or while walking the aisles in the grocery store. I was experiencing a different peace I had not known before.
Transformation Begins
The parable of the seed. I was directed to this passage today. Luke 8:9-15. It spoke to me in a way it never did before. The seed is God’s Word (v. 11).
I realized though my eyes read the words, I didn’t always take to heart and believe that God truly was for me. All the time. Not just when I did enough things to prove I was enough and therefore deserving (vs. 12).
I experienced moments where some messages felt warm and fuzzy, but again I didn’t let it sink in deep into my heart (v. 13). It reminds me of listening to music. You know the songs that you catch yourself knowing all the words to, yet you don’t really pay attention to what you’re singing? The message all of a sudden hits home after about the 11th time. And it just overcomes you. I wasn’t letting the Word do that. And I knew something was off.
And verse 14, wow can I relate. I was trying to conform to the “accomplishment factor”. Again, checking off my boxes. Trying to be Boss Babe in Bible study. Probably not the best mix, though I love both personal development and Jesus. I was striving for performance without much depth to what I was doing. Keeping up with the Joneses. Check. Check. Check. Job well done. I never actually experienced the message, due to the distraction of what was up next on my list.
Now, verse 15? #goals. Honest. Good heart. Bearing fruit with patience.
Please hear me out
I am definitely not saying the Bible plans are bad or that everyone who uses them does them for the wrong reasons. Absolutely not. I know many who have even completed the Year plan and did so from the right place, growing stronger because of it. I still use many of the plans today and LOVE them… and I’ll be honest, I do still love those check boxes. I want to and will finish the Bible cover to cover. But for me personally, I want to do so knowing my deepest desire is to know Him. To show Him my appreciation for the crazy love He gives that I still feel so undeserving of. To arm myself with His promises for the battles and tests that lie ahead of me.
So for me, I’ll be removing it as a “to do”, for God knows I have many other tasks to get to in life. And my hope for you is that we can walk this out together… finding Him in all the random day to day moments that can so easily be blurred by busyness. And ultimately seek His peace and His promises over our own performance.
