“I’m going to cry so much! This is the last year I’ll be able to count his age on one hand.” This was a statement my friend Patricia made during one of our recent play dates. I have been mostly dreading the upcoming send off to Kindergarten, and this observation was just another tear jerking point to add to the list. Thanks for that, P.
I’m actually writing this the night before your 5th birthday. Everyone is asleep, and I probably won’t get much of that. Just like I didn’t 5 years ago. This was partly due to the ridiculous bladder of a 40 week pregnant woman. Mostly, though, I couldn’t rid myself of the anxious feelings. It is so hard to put into words. It was like a casserole of emotions:
- 3 cups of excitement
- 1 pound of love
- 2 spoonfuls of anticipation
- A dash of fear (okay, maybe several dashes-heck the whole container)
If only you knew how badly I could not wait to have you in my arms. People would tell me to stop complaining about the nights I would wake up during pregnancy (again, mostly due to the bladder). They said, “Just wait, you won’t be getting much sleep once he gets here”. I thought, at least I would get to be holding you and loving on you.
Let’s talk about ALL the ways I tried to get you here sooner.
- Several pedicures back to back.
- Spicy Mexican food.
- Castor oil – against my doctor’s wishes. For anyone reading who will be with child: Don’t. Just don’t. Trust me.
- Lots of walks.
The list goes on. Mommy is getting better at trusting God’s timing these days.
Then the day finally arrived. It still took hours before I’d hold you in my arms, but I’ll never forget those feelings. I did not want you to leave my side. I never knew how much I could love such a tiny little human so much.
The days are long, but the years are short.
That dang saying really is so true. Gosh I hate it when “they” are right. Whoever “they” really is. One day you will understand. You know, like 40 years from now when you get married and become a dad… and not a year sooner.
You were my Law and Order: SVU marathon watching buddy while Daddy was on the road for weeks on end. Instead of playing Twinkle Twinkle, I would play you the SVU theme song and you would instantly calm down. This information maybe should stay between us, now that I think of it. Soon enough, we traded that out for Hot Dog, Hot Dog and Oh Toodles.
You were mommy’s work side kick for a while, too! You would charm ladies of all ages while mommy ran her beauty business. I think several clients came to see you more than to get their makeup. And that’s a big deal, bud. You were always bringing such a smile to so many faces and you still do.
Now you are turning 5 in just a few hours (well today, by the time this posts). You’ve grown so much already in 5 years. Not just in height and weight, but into the awesome young man God created you to be.
In the words of Toni Braxton, “How many ways, I love you. Let me count the ways”
I love how courageous you’ve become. I know mommy was more protective over you since you were the first. One day you’ll understand the new level of fear that comes with being a parent (remember, in 40 years..) I’ve tried to let go of some of the control and let you spread your wings and you are doing so so fast.
You once were so shy you would barely speak, and now you are the friendliest little kid on the block. Waving hello to every stranger you meet and engaging them with questions. Even those that don’t seem to give a response. Mommy has to watch herself in those moments. You sure handle them better than I do. I hope you always have those eyes to see others in love. I pray you don’t get so lost in busy-ness of life or in technology, that you no longer exchange a simple “hello”, or “hey how ya doin” to a stranger walking by.
You have energy I don’t think I ever had as a child. I don’t know. We’ll double check that with Gigi. I’m desperately trying to keep up. There’s not enough coffee in the world. But I know you will be able to do BIG things with that BIG energy you bring to the table. I will work more on cultivating that.
I love the way you are as a big brother to sissy. You comfort her when mommy runs the vacuum. You share snacks with her, most of the time. You protect her from all the other kids on the playground and it is A-M-A-Z-I-N-G to witness. Well, to me at least. Maybe not the other kids’ moms. You definitely try to help mommy in the discipline department. I guess you get it honest.
Your sweet snuggles during movies remind me to just slow down a little bit more. And I will always love you bringing me flowers. Weeds, too. Maybe one day I will tell you, but not today. Seeing your face light up by being the giver makes my entire day! Remember, it is always more blessed to give. You are doing SUCH an awesome job, buddy.
Happy birthday, to my big little man.
Yes, it is your birthday and I will cry if I want to. And you will probably hug me and wipe away my tears, with that big heart of yours. I love you thiiisssssss much … arms open wide.
