Doesn’t that sound like the perfect invitation? Just breathe, momma. How many times do we really do that… simply slow down and breathe? There is always laundry to do, a kiddo to transport somewhere, and bottomless tummies crying out for snacks 24/7. It seems like the tabs within our minds are always open and running at full speed, right? As mommas, we can sometimes (or often) try to be superwoman – all things to all people, especially our kids.
I’ve had this particular message on my heart for some time now; probably because I personally need to hear it and let it seep into my soul. It is something I am longing to live out daily in my own life… still very much in process:
Moms are not the cornerstone of their childrens’ lives. Jesus is.
This right here. Our pastor shared this message during our Mother’s Day service and it resonated with me so deeply. Before we move forward, let’s clarify what a cornerstone is. A cornerstone is basically the most important stone in every building; it is the one in which the weight of the entire building rests upon.
People on Pedestals
For as long as I can remember, I’ve always had a person on a pedestal in my life. I always needed that one voice that I would always go to for the stamp of approval. I had this need for someone I believed would know better for me than I would for myself.
My upbringing was pretty black and white in terms of rules/expectations. This was right, that was wrong, and I didn’t really know the why behind these terms or rules. It just “was what it was” and “because I said so”. I was a people pleaser …well I am still growing out of this. Naturally, I would follow the rules without question, which was good in terms of honoring my parents. However, it often led to not exercising my own thoughts, voice or opinions.
As I grew older, I noticed this led to the belief that I didn’t know how to trust my own decision-making. After all, decisions were always made for me. My parents were two different cultures and religions, so I was never really taught to turn to Jesus or God for discernment. I didn’t know there was the spirit inside me that could help guide me in wisdom. When I went into the world on my own, I would panic. I desperately tried to find direction and instruction from others. I put people on pedestals: parents, leaders, peers who seemed stronger than I thought I was. These people became my go-to for the answers in life and my hope for “fixing” my struggles.
The Lie: stray off “their path” = cut off from love.
This was my perception based on some of my own experiences. Ultimatums led me to believe each decision was so costly:
- Choose this religion = disappoint half of the family
- Marry this person = lose relationships with family members
- Decide not to do this business = lose friends who were like family
Every decision, big or small, felt like a lose lose. Times when I thought I was being true to myself, I would often neglect a step or shift gears, because I thought it might let someone else down. Clearly, I brought some suitcases packed with pain and LOTS of emotions with me into my adult life (bless my husband, yall). These bags contained feelings of rejection, abandonment, and confusion, to name a few. I believed love was something conditional based on my previous experiences, so I would try to earn love by ‘doing’. This often led to a lot of pressure and disappointment.
Enter Motherhood
Then I became a momma – ready or not, right? Whether you planned for 4 years to get pregnant or you were surprised to find you were expecting, we are all trying to figure this motherhood thing out from square one. How many of us become parents with our running list of all the things we know we do NOT want to do? No yelling, no reactive parenting, no guilt trips… fill in your own blanks, if you will.
The vow: “I will never let my child experience that”.
I don’t know about you, but I have definitely made that promise. I did this because I didn’t want my littles to struggle with the same thing(s) I did. How badly I get triggered when I see my kids in pain. How deeply I want to be that perfect person – superwoman – to have all the answers for them… to rescue them from everything. Honestly, sometimes I just want to shield them from every pain so that they don’t even need the rescuing… to be their person on a pedestal.
But mommas, the truth is, there is SO much treasure in the pain.
The last 3 years has been an extensive journey for me, uncovering pains from my past and bringing light into those areas. I always thought my faith was strong and my love for our Creator was steadfast, but I didn’t realize how much MORE there was in store. Through coaching and inner healing*, I was encouraged to invite Jesus into these places of pain from childhood through adulthood… to receive healing, peace and unconditional love. Those places of pain in my own life have been the BIGGEST blessing in terms of growing deeper with Him. Without them, I wouldn’t have experienced the magnitude of His peace and learning how to run to Him later in life… times of disappointments and hurt, rather than expecting a person to fix my pain.
Have no fear, mommas, for the painful places or the times we “mess up”, are all opportunities to model pointing our kids to Jesus.
Back to the point about the pedestals…
You see, those pedestals with people on them would only last a little while, and then almost instantaneously, the pedestal would crumble. I’d see the truth that each person I’d placed so high up, was standing on my level… just another human in need of grace, like myself. I didn’t realize the pressure I’d placed on them unintentionally, nor the amount of disappointment I kept setting myself up for. They didn’t have all the answers like I had hoped… and we don’t have to either, friends, when we know the One who does.
A burden too heavy
Mommas, trying to be our childrens’ rescuer is a heavy task. I have some encouragement for you, though! The good news is Jesus clearly states,
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest (that’s right: breathe, momma). Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light” Matthew 11:28-30 NIV
What if instead of being the rescuer, we are yoked to Jesus and therefore we POINT our children to the one who is TRULY capable of rescuing in all circumstances! No more lies about a lose lose, for this is a win win…we can release the heavy load and know that He is steadfast and never changing – strong and able to hold the weight. This eliminates the need for a person on a pedestal in our childrens’ lives… YES including us, mommas.
The Truth: The King on the Throne is Greater Than any Person on a Pedestal
Forever and always.
So mommas, in closing, I’m going to extend the invitation that my Pastor did… let Jesus be the cornerstone!
Keep doing what you do so beautifully:
- Putting those batman band-aids on those scraped knees, while letting Him heal the deeper wounds
- Being the loudest cheerleader on the sidelines, while trusting He cares for our children more than we can even fathom
- Speaking life into your little ones, while helping them know their worth through His eyes, through His Word.
And of course, don’t slow down on the incessant snuggles and kisses…
This Mother’s Day, let’s breathe and let go… let’s walk together in laying down the burdens of having to be the PERFECT person in our childrens’ lives and instead point them to the One who is. This right here is a gift they will cling to for all eternity. Blessings, mommas!
Happy Mother’s Day,
from my family to yours!
*Resources:
I want to share the resources that have been so transformational in my own healing journey, for those who are seeking.
- Inner Healing and Freedom Coaching: https://oaksrising.com/freedom-sessions/
- Transformative Healing: https://www.integratedlifestrategies.com/
