Have you ever felt like you belong to People Pleaser’s Anonymous? Stressing more than you should over the opinions of others? This has been something I have wrestled with for as long as I can remember. As I grow older, and I’d like to think a bit wiser, I am learning this exhausting habit does not serve anyone well. Myself included.
God, give me tunnel vision
This is a prayer thought that came to mind after a recent moment of public parenting. I took my littles to an indoor trampoline park that ended in some pretty ugly tantrums. Let me add, being kicked by one of my own as we were leaving. Y’all, having to parent in public (specifically disciplining in public) can spike up my anxiety faster than an auctioneer can speak.
I found myself more concerned with how I was going to look to others. How was I going to “handle” my child in order to appear to be a good mom? You know, to show “I got this”.
Good grief, does anyone really “have this”?
I struggle even sharing this because I hate that is where my mind goes, but I’m pretty certain I cannot be alone in these thoughts. On our way home, I had a very overwhelming realization that has stuck with me deeply. You see, my focus never should have been on others’ opinions of my parenting methods.
My focus should have been centered on teaching my child right from wrong….
…how to be a good person. WHY we don’t kick or all the other things our children do that can push our patience so far to the limit.
The image of a tunnel crossed my mind as I thought of a way to block out the world around me. Yes. Tunnel vision. God, you know how deeply I need it, not just in my parenting either….
Tunnel Vision in my Marriage:
God help me to have tunnel vision when I look sideways or even backwards in my marriage. Help my husband and I, both, as we sometimes look behind us… not to compare our now to the way things used to be. Open our eyes to realize the things that brought us together are simply not the same, but this isn’t a negative. Our responsibilities have changed, as well as our need for WAY more sleep. Butterflies in our stomachs may have matured, just as anything does with time. This doesn’t mean our love for one another is any less.
True love is so much more than the fluttering feelings that can fade and grow fickle.
Teach me not to use another marriage as our mirror, for we joined together to create us and nobody else. Help me to remember that nobody else gets permission to be in my marriage tunnel except my husband and You.
Tunnel Vision in My Parenting:
Oh Lord how the struggle is real here. We live in a time where moms bend over backwards to ensure our children grow up without any problems (While we are at it, help me to surrender control). There’s a plethora of books, courses, videos and training tools to help us parent more positively, yet we still feel the mom guilt. All. The. Time. I’ve found myself anxious in the best way to discipline around others. Do I choose to “fight this battle” or not during a public tantrum (Jesus, be near)?
Help me to remember, the purpose of parenting is not about how I look as a parent. It is about raising these little people, You have somehow entrusted me with, to be kind and to love You and to love others. Let me be an example of demonstrating grace… a gift that you show me as a mom who feels as though she’s messing up again and again and again. Other people, especially people I do not even know, don’t get permission to be in the tunnel.
Tunnel Vision in My Faith:
Lord, help me to trust that even though I didn’t grow up attending a place of worship, it doesn’t mean I don’t belong now. Give me tunnel vision when I don’t know the words to the songs, or if that book is found in the Old Testament or the New. Calm my nerves as I wonder if those around me can tell I don’t know it all, and quite often, have to refer to the words on the big screen or my table of contents (heaven forbid that, right?) Help me to remember my time worshipping you is indeed about YOU. Nobody else. I know I don’t know it all, and never will, but I do know you are more concerned with the condition of my heart above the rest.
Tunnel Vision in All the Things:
Lord help to give me tunnel vision when I am caught in the trap of comparison or need to please. Remind me not to place my worth in the job that I do, the house I live in, or the car I drive. It is not found in the number of picture worthy vacations I take or perfectly crafted Pinterest projects around my house (for real, though, because there are none). It’s not found in the quantity of likes I receive, nor the amount of digits in my bank account. You know all the things. There are too many to list. Thank you for lifting the weight and setting me free to realize I only need to look to You to set my standards of living.
The light at the end of the tunnel…
Sometimes, friends, we spend so much time focused on trying to find the light at the end of the tunnel because we are distracted looking outside its walls. We search left and right for it to be revealed. When we do this, the tunnel seems endless. Light unreachable. But we experience so much peace when we realize that the light we are seeking isn’t far off. For indeed, the light at the end of the tunnel is the Light… it is Him.
